five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
