I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
