Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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