i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I did not marry a roomba.
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