The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
