Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
