mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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