3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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