Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
