I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
