I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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