Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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