Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
