I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
