all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize