I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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