I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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