i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
