Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Randomize
