True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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