so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
