I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
