do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
