yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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