I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
