It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
