you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize