I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
