Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
