Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize