Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
