You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
