Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
