you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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