i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just want nice things and good sex
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize