then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You ate ashes out of my bong
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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