I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
