Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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