I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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