cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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