good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
