You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
