Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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