how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
