Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
