Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize