we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
This is classic penis vs brain.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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