drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize