I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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