i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
