just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
