i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
