like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
