He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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