Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
