just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
