Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
from now on my penis is your penis
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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