im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
