Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize