How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
