My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
tequila makes me forget i have legs
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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