Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
