Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
