i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I know her cup size but not her name....
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
