that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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