woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
