if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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