Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
