I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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